Find Your Soulmate

 So one of the keys of manifesting the soulmate is walking the

path of authenticity within yourself,

because how are you going to be loved for who you are if you've got a facade

that you're wearing?

Some of you may have right now,

an absolutely inspiring loving mate at home.

Somebody that you have love and intimacy for,

that you feel fulfilled with and you're very grateful for having.

Sure there's going to be ups and downs and positive and negatives,

but you feel that you've got somebody that fits.

Others may be on the search for this mate, this match.

And through the centuries there's been discussions about this process of finding

this match, not just for procreation and family development,

but for love and intimacy. And the term soulmate has been termed,

Neoplatonic philosophers and platonic philosophers have used it,

and various philosophical and theological ideas have been revolved around it.

But I'd like to kind of go down the rabbit hole a bit with this topic,

the soulmate. So if you've got something to write with and write on,

you might want to grab something.

At the level of the soul nothing's missing

I'm going to make a statement and just let it be contemplated for a moment.

At the level of our soul, the essential soul, the essence of our soul,

nothing's missing. At the level of the existence of our senses,

things appear to be missing.

I want you to really get that. At the level of the essence of our soul,

nothing's missing. At the level of the existence of our senses,

things appear to be missing.

When we judge and we sometimes look up to people or down on people,

we are sometimes too humble or too proud to admit what we see in others inside

us. And because we are disowning those parts,

we have dis parts, disowned parts,

and we search to bring fulfillment and own all the parts,

to love all parts of ourselves. We want to be loved for who we are,

not for just a facade that we wear.

So at the level of the soul nothing's missing in us,

we embrace all parts of ourselves.

And that means we love all parts of ourselves, our hero, our villain, our saint,

our sinner, our virtue, our vice, we love all parts of ourselves.

Trying to get rid of half of yourself and expect to love yourself is not

reasonable. But when it comes to the soulmate,

the soulmate is something that emerges in the awareness

when we are actually able to embrace all parts of our own self.

Cause any part we disown, we're going to be seeking. And so,

that's why if we're too proud to admit what we see in others inside us,

we're going to be too proud to admit we have that trait.

And if we're too humble,

we're going to be too humble to admit we have what we see in others.

And when judge people, we're not in our heart, we're not in our soul,

we're in our senses, in judgment, we're in survival, not thrival.

So one of the keys of manifesting this soulmate is walking the path

of authenticity within yourself,

because how are you going to be loved for who you are if you've got a facade

that you're wearing? If you're too proud and you're cocky, that's not you.

If you're too humble in shame, that's not you. When you're actually being,

Attracting somebody that loves you

you,

you have the highest probability of attracting somebody that loves you for who

you are.

So just know that you're not likely to find your soulmate when you're putting on

facades, because they can't get to your soul.

They can't get to the authentic you.

The soul is the state of unconditional love. S O U L,

the authentic you that is not looking down or looking up, looking across.

When you look down on people, you're careless. When you're looking up at people,

you're careful.

But if you're looking across somebody and having a match where you have

reflective awareness, you're caring, which keeps the rings on the finger.

Story time and a powerful exercise to attract your soulmate

Now, let's just take a journey for a second,

I was driving or being driven, cause I don't drive,

but was being driven from Ojai California back to Los Angeles,

after doing a presentation the night before in Ohio.

And this lovely lady asked instead of taking my normal car service,

if she could drive, cause she's going that way. And I said, okay.

I sometimes hesitate on that because I know I'm usually going to have a lot of

talking in my ear, but I did.

And on the way as I sort of expected, she said, 'Well,

Dr. Demartini do you mind if I ask you some questions?' I said, 'Certainly.'

'I really, really, really want to find a soulmate. Can you help me?

How can you help me find a soulmate?' 'Okay.' I'm going to share with you

something really interesting, so you make sure you take some notes. I said,

'All right,

I'll help you find your soulmate.' And I've done this on numerous occasions and

it's a very powerful exercise so pay close attention to this. I said,

'Alright, what are you looking for in a mate? And I said,

do you have any paper and something to write with, I got a pen,

but you got the paper here?'. And she goes,

'Yeah.' And she reached and got some paper.

And I sat down and started taking notes. I said,

'What are you looking for in your mate?' And she listed the classical things

that you would expect most women to be looking for.

Somebody that's good looking and fit,

someone with a nice smile and a masculine look or whatever,

or this day could be masculine or feminine, gender spectrum.

But in this case, that's what she was looking for. She was classical.

Then she looked for somebody who was intelligent.

And then she looked for somebody who was ambitious and somebody who had

resources and somebody who wanted to be with her and have a family.

And somebody that was socially connected and socially savvy enough to be not an

introvert, an isolated and somebody who's inspired. Now,

most women are going to look for that. That's not uncommon.

But we ended up listing a bunch of things that she was looking for.

There was quite a few. And sometimes those lists are pretty extensive,

and unreasonable. And I said, 'Okay,

now we've got what you're looking for.' She says 'Yeah.

That's what I'm looking for.' I said, 'You really, really,

really prepared for that? Getting that?' She goes, 'Yeah,

that's what I want.' I said, 'Okay. Now let's write down the opposite of that,

because you don't ever get a one-sided man.

You get a man that supports and challenges, sometimes kind, sometimes cruel,

sometimes nice, sometimes mean, sometimes open, sometimes closed,

sometimes focused on you,

other times distracted and focused on other things.' Whatever you are looking

for, you gotta be able to embrace it's opposite too.

Because life has pairs of opposites. I'm not a nice person.

I'm not a mean person. I'm a human being with, when you support my values,

I can be nice, when you challenge my values, I can be mean.

So when you're looking for a mate,

if you're not prepared for the reality of both sides,

and you're only looking for one sided mate,

you're looking for a fantasy and your life is going to be a nightmare in

comparison. So you're going to automatic if you're looking for something that's

unobtainable, as the Buddha says, the desire for that which is unobtainable,

the desire to avoid that which is unavoidable is the source of human suffering.

You're going to suffer when it comes to looking for a mate.

So we made a list of all the things she was looking for. Great,

made a list of the exact opposite traits that she wasn't looking for,

kind of the search mate and anti search mate, and write them all down.

And she was kind of hesitant on putting those down, but I said,

'That's what comes with it. That's what comes with the package,

because somebody highly intelligent, they'll like to argue with you maybe,

or stand up for themselves, and if you're not willing to handle that part,

you're not going to get this part.

And you get somebody that's highly good looking,

you might have a bunch of women chasing him.' And she goes, 'Hmm,

that's true.' And so I started to give her a balanced act so she can have and

prepare for all of it, not just one side, the fantasy side.

Many people are searching for fantasies and then their life becomes a nightmare,

searching. And so after we listed that, then I asked her the next question.

So we had this long list of positive and negative things, opposites.

And then I said, 'Now, nothing's missing in your life, it's always there,

but it may not be in the form you fantasize about, but let's take a look,

who is it that's actually got the good looks that's handsome that's in your life

right now that's a male?' And she goes, 'Okay.

I work at work with a guy that's quite handsome. He is married,

but I do kind of flirt with him a bit and I do do it,

I'm not going to cross the line with him cause he's married.

But at the same time, I do have him around and he's highly intelligent. Yeah.

I've got a very handsome guy there and I see him on a regular basis.' I said,

'Great. Okay. And where's the ugly part?

The part that just kinda turns you off?' She goes, 'Yeah. Okay.

I got one of those people also at work that's kind of not my thing,

but he's an IT guy that comes around and he helps me intellectually with stuff,

but at the same time he's not the most attractive guy.' I said,

'Can you see you got both of them?' She goes,

'Yeah.' 'Let's go down the next one.' And I went through that list,

because we had a two and a half hour drive,

and we went through that list and I showed her where every one of those

traits were in her life.

Every one of those behaviors that she was looking for was in her life.

And as we went down that list, she goes, 'Wow,

I've never ever taken the time to do that. And didn't realize that in my life,

everything that I'm looking for is already there.' I want everybody to get this.

Your soulmate is always present

Your soulmate is always present,

but it's in one or many forms.

If you've been wounded being with one,

you'll disperse it into a variety of people, filling all the needs you want.

If you've been wounded by the many, and it's more pleasant to be with one,

you'll concentrate it back into one.

You have people out there that they can talk about finding their soulmate for

years and never find anybody,

you have others that basically within a week after being out of one

relationship, they're back in a new one. And that's because in their mind,

the hierarchy of their values and the wounds that they've experienced and the

pleasures they've experienced,

make them immediately concentrated or disperse it.

And so she said,

'So what you're saying is that everything I'm looking for is already in my

life?' I said, 'Yep.' She goes, 'I never would have imagined that,

but I can see it now that I do have everything I'm looking for in a safe

form.' 'Exactly.' I said 'Now give me a list of the

names of all the guys that you've been with that's been with at least a year or

three years at a time or longer.' She goes 'Yeah,

I've been with four guys like that.'. I said, 'Okay,

so you had four major relationships?' 'Yeah,

a couple of them I thought I was going to get married to,

but it didn't work out.' I said, 'Great. Now,

let's take a look at what are the traits that you admired about them most,

and what is the traits that made you all of a sudden go "this isn't working"?'

'Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, this one guy was highly intelligent,

but was again,

argumentative and always right and always telling me what to do and eventually I

burned out on that.' I said,

'So can you see that you made sure you're avoiding that and you're putting in a

situation we're not trapped by it,

but you got an IT guy that's highly intelligent around you and this other guy

that's highly intelligent, but you're not having to be,

you can still go home and not have to deal with the arguments about it?'

Perceived wounds and unconscious motives

She goes, 'Wow.

I actually do have that intelligence around me in a safe form.' I said,

'That's it, your unconscious motives create your society and around you,

in order for you to get what you want without the wounds in the past.' And I

said, 'Now go to the next guy. Yeah, he was super hot and everything else.

But in the process of doing, I felt kind of intimidated by it.

And I didn't feel like I was working out.

And I was conscious of my looks around him cause he worked out and was in

unbelievable shape.

And of course he was showing off his body all the time and it was intimidating

and stuff like that and the girls would be flirting with him and stuff like that

and I said I can't deal with that. And I said, so I avoided that.

So now I've got a very handsome guy in my life, but again,

he's married and it's safe and I don't have to worry about it and having

somebody take him away, because there's not a threat to it.

And I also have another guy that's also very good looking,

but he's much younger and I'm not going to go there, but it's safe.

I don't have to worry about somebody. If somebody goes off for them,

I don't get hurt by it.' And I went through all these different things with her

and showed how every one of those things that she had thought she had,

that she wanted,

the guys that had some of those traits also had some very painful sides to it.

And many times people say, 'I don't want the negative side.

I only want the positive side of it.' But the reality is they come as a pair.

And then she realized that those are the pains that she had in life.

And they were unconsciously driving her into creating the soulmate in the form

that's diversified with all these different people.

And she had like 9 or 10 people that were filling in all the gaps of what she

was looking for in a mate. So it wasn't missing.

It was diversified into about 9 different guys.

And even another woman that was playing part of that role,

who was sort of like a business consult person. And she goes,

'So what you're saying is that these wounds have made me concentrated or

diversified in this format instead of actually having it in one guy?' I said,

'Exactly.' She goes, 'Wow. I never would have imagined that,

but I can see it now that we've gone through these steps.' She said,

'So what do I do?' I said, 'Well,

we can clear those wounds and allow you to then go from diversified forms,

because if you perceive more advantage to diversifying it, than being with one,

cause you felt trapped and wounded by it, you're going to go in that direction.

But if you all of a sudden,

we stack up the drawbacks of the many and put the benefits of the one again,

we'll move back in that direction.

So let's go through each one of those things that you were wounded by in those

four relationships.' And I pulled out my little magic box,

which is my Demartini Method, which I teach at the Breakthrough Experience,

which is a program I do to show people how to take whatever's happened in life

and turn it into on the way, not in the way,

and allow them to be more masters of their destiny instead of victims of their

history. And I did the Demartini Method,

Clearing wounds with the Demartini Method

which I teach in the Breakthrough Experience,

and I one by one went through all the wounds that she had.

We had about an hour of that,

and clearing and asking her 'So whatever she was wounded by that she was

unconsciously trying to avoid', I asked her,

'What is the benefits you got out of that?

And how did that lead you into your direction in life, your career?

How did it help you spiritually, intellectually, business wise, financial wise,

social, physical,

all areas?' And we took the wounds and found out how it served her.

Cause she never took the time to do it.

She just assumed the wound was a wound and never looked at the upsides,

but realize it's never what happens to you, it's how you perceive it.

And she chose to perceive it as a wound and then she diversified and avoided men

to diversify in these safe forms, even though she was claiming, 'I want a man,

I want a man.' Usually those that are claiming the most that have the wounds and

the longest track record, have these wounds sitting there. So I said,

'Let's go clear the wounds.'

We cleared the wounds with the Demartini Method from the Breakthrough

Experience.

And then all of a sudden we had her in tears and I had to literally say, 'Well,

you know, this may not be the thing to do while you're driving.' She says,

'I can do it.' But she literally was having tears of realization on the

things that she thought were wounds,

actually catalyzed her to do things more independently and more encouraged in

her own autonomy, and the people she's associated with,

the opportunities she's gotten in life. Those wounds were actually gifts.

So now instead of her perception of the wounds as avoidance,

she now saw the wounds as just as valuable and there's nothing to be

frightened of. So we cleared the wounds, four major,

five major wounds she had in there from those four relationships.

And in the process of clearing those wounds,

she had a lot of tears of gratitude and realized there was nothing to be

frightened of.

So her subconscious mind and it stored these instincts to avoid and

these impulses for its opposite,

were making her look for a polarized one-sided man, which is unobtainable,

and basically trying to actually fit into something that she was comparing

herself to other people that had relationships. In fact, her value system,

her hierarchy of values wasn't matching these other people,

but she was expecting the same results.

So we went ahead and did the Demartini Method on it, cleared it,

and she was calm for a moment. And then all of a sudden, she goes,

'It's interesting. Right this minute I don't feel a lack.' I said, 'No,

you don't. And when you don't have a lack and you're not desperate,

that's when you're more likely to get the mate.' When you're desperate,

a mate can feel it, and it's 'danger, danger,

watch out for desperation here',

but when you're actually empowered and realize nothing's missing and you really

feel that you have the form and you honor that you've created this form

by your own unconscious motives, and now you've cleared those.

And now you're open to have it one or many. And you allow yourself to go,

'You know, whether I have it in many I win. Or whether I have it in one I win.

There's pains and pleasures in both directions,

both forms.' You're now not in an anxious situation or a desperate

situation or avoided.

And you realize that you're now at the level where nothing's missing.

You're not in the idea of judgment where you're feeling things are missing.

And that was a major shift in her.

By the time we got into the hotel where I was going in Los Angeles,

you know, she gave me a big hug and she said,

'I had no idea I was going to get this realization.

I knew I was going to ask questions,

but I didn't think I was going to get that much deep, deep insight.

Thank you for that.' Now, very commonly,

when I do this exercise and I clear the wounds and I help them become aware of

this and set realistic expectations on human beings,

the individual usually manifests a mate within

just weeks. I did this in Tokyo on a bullet train,

a speed train and we did it in two and a half weeks later, boom, the man comes.

I did it on a flight going into Las Vegas one time, boom, three weeks.

And in this lady, the same thing, matter of weeks, she got a guy.

I didn't get to follow up on her on all the long-term effects of this but I know

the email I got a few weeks later, certainly was an inspiring email.

She goes that realization that she got on that that little drive was

priceless.

Being ready for the soulmate

So I just want to make a statement here that nothing's missing in your life.

At the level of the soul, the state of unconditional love,

when you're loving yourself and being yourself and realize nothing's missing in

you.

And you're not having to get rid of half of yourself or trying to obtain some

part of yourself, when you realize that you're whole,

and you're willing to have reflective awareness and see that whatever you see in

others inside you, you're on your way to being ready for the soulmate.

The soulmate is always present. Honor the form that it's in,

when it's not with one, look for the many.

In the Breakthrough Experience program,

there's an exercise I do on what I call Side C,

which means very little to you right now,

but it's a series of questions that anytime you thought you've lost something,

or don't have something, I show you where it is, the form that it's in,

the benefits of the form that it's in,

the drawbacks of the form that you're fantasizing about,

so you can honor the form that it's in and appreciate it.

And I show you how to shift the mindset and clear out the wounds so if you want

to change the form, you have the power to do it,

but please know that nothing's missing.

When I was traveling in Nepal and I met with the Bonpo Lama there and had a

conversation for an hour with him about this,

we discussed the illusion and he said very clearly,

he says so many people live in suffering because they don't realize nothing's

missing. And I really believe that if you actually contemplate this,

maybe listen to this again and again,

what I said has got tremendous power.

That's why I teach people in the Breakthrough Experience how to realize nothing

is missing,

how to honor the form it's in or otherwise you're going to be searching for that

which is unobtainable and trying to avoid that which is unavoidable and living

in this polarized fantasy world of trying to get a pleasure without a pain,

a one-sided man or a one-sided relationship or one-sided goal,

which is a source of human suffering.

Depression is a comparison of your current reality to a fantasy you can get

addicted to.

And relationship depression is a comparison of your current reality to a fantasy

that you're addicted to. Don't live in the fantasy world, get grounded,

find out nothing's missing and see the form that it's in and watch what happens

to your empowerment and your centeredness and your magnetism to attract.

Because really, the moment you're actually present and poised and authentic,

you're now in the most powerful position and doing what you really love,

if you're living by what's really important to you and live by priority and

being yourself, that's when you get the mate that allows you to be yourself.

So don't try to put on a facade, don't try to act some way to find this mate,

be yourself. You know, know thyself, be thyself, love thyself.

And when you do so, can others. Anyway,

I just want to do a little dissertation on the soulmate and the journey,

because otherwise you're going to be looking for missing parts and trying to

fulfill your life through other people,

instead of realizing nothing's missing and embrace it.

There's a thing called ionic bonds in chemistry and sharing covalent bonds.

You want a sharing relationship, not a dependent relationship, not out of lack,

but out of love. Anyway, just wanted to share that with you.

Please consider going online to do the Value Determination process,

so you can determine what you really value,

because when you live by highest values, you're more objective and more whole,

and you realize nothing's missing.

And take advantage of the Breakthrough Experience,

might just find you your mate by doing so.